Yes, Dear…
Augustus
Augustus the cat dressed as a chef
by Anjie Coates
Photo by Anjie Coates
  • Augustus, commonly known as “Gus,” always enjoys a nice relaxing spa day. Some may say he enjoys it more than most, as he’s been groomed his entire life. My assistant, Angie, grooms cats with me so she can keep them happy while I do the grooming bits. Gus is always happy, so it takes very little to keep him that way.
  • Scissors
    His Mom puts the crate on the grooming table and I open it. Gus comes out with a flourish and a high, happy tail.
  • Scissors
    “Hi Gus!” I say.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Hi Anj!” As he smooshes his face against mine to mark me as his, then turns and does the same to Angie.
  • Cat
    Gus plops down on the table and stretches out: “So, let’s get this spa day started, shall we? Let’s begin with head scritches.”
  • Scissors
    I look at Angie and the two of us grin at each other.
  • Scissors
    “OK, buddy, let’s do nails and we can start getting you cleaned up,” I tell him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “I don’t care much for nails, so we can skip that part. I used my scratching post this morning.”
  • Scissors
    “I know, but when you make biscuits on Mom she’d prefer less holes in her flesh, so those will need a quick trim,” I remind him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “I like to make biscuits on Mom. It makes her happy.”
  • Scissors
    “It does, but she’d be much happier without the bleeding aspect of it,” I say.
  • Cat
    Gus pushes his head into Angie’s hand as she momentarily stopped giving him scritches.
  • Scissors
    “OK, nails done. Time to get your bits washed, my friend,” I tell him.
  • Cat
    Gus ponders this for a moment and decides he does like being clean, so it’s OK.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Whoa, Anj…umm.”
  • Scissors
    “I know, but you have a dirty bum and you need it washed,” I say matter-of-factly.
  • Illustration of cat from behind
  • Cat
    Gus lifts his back leg and looks at his rear end: “Oh, carry on then.”
  • Scissors
    I chuckle and continue washing his rear end, and everything else.
  • Scissors
    “OK, just need to dry and get you brushed out,” I tell him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Oh, my favorite part!” And he spreads himself out over the table and rolls on his side.
  • Illustration of cat laying down
  • Scissors
    “Comfy?” I ask.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Yes, quite. Now, about those head scritches?”
  • Scissors
    Angie dutifully resumes his head scritches.
  • Scissors
    “I have to do your belly, buddy,” I say.
  • Cat
    Gus lays on his back and melts his head into Angie’s hand.
  • Scissors
    “You’re the best, Gus,” I tell him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “I know, Mom tells me all the time.”
  • Scissors
    I grin at his Mom who sits beside the table watching him get groomed, loving every second of it.
  • Scissors
    “Somehow I don’t doubt that,” I say.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Angie? I need my nose boogies picked too, please.”
  • Scissors
    Angie dutifully picks out the tiny nose boogies and then pats his head.
  • Scissors
    “Alright, buddy, you’re done. Time for pictures. You’re going to be a chef today since you are, after all, a master of making biscuits,” I tell him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Oh, good idea!”
  • Scissors
    “I thought so. Let’s get you dressed,” I say.
  • Cat
    Gus sits as I put his costume on and sniffs at the props. “Hey! None of these are real.”
  • Scissors
    “Gus, you know how much steak we’d go through if they were?” I ask.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Fair point, but still I was kind of hoping there’d be something.”
  • Scissors
    “I have freeze-dried beef liver,” I say as I offer a piece to him.
  • Cat
    Gus: “Ehh, no thanks. I’ll get my good treats from Mom when I get home.”
  • Scissors
    To which I reply,
    Yes, dear
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